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Angry obese bearded man held in local break-in
December 24, circa midnight

Pataskala, Ohio (AP) – Early in the morning of the 25th, authorities were notified about a disturbance caused by an angry obese bearded man wearing a funny hat and what appeared to be pointy boots.

Apparently it all started when he made an attempt to enter the home by way of chimney…

Only to greatly underestimate the stash of holiday cookies in his round tummy.


Authorities confiscated a large bag of toys and charged the round old guy with possession of possibly stolen property.  Although he insisted it was all built in his magical shop at a place he referred to as the North Pole, google maps were not able to locate such a place.

In addition, most of the items were stamped Made in China.  

In his defense, the white-bearded stranger grumbled (rather unconvincingly) something about all the goods being “for “the children”.

He is additionally accused of keeping 12 un-licensed animals captive and tied together to a sleigh.  One of those animals was also cited for a bright light disturbance.

While authorities continue to investigate, here's something that is much more of a sure thing….

You can assure yourself a Merry Christmas and Happy 2021 on the mats by joining us here.

If you've already done so, pass the info along to a friend.

Angry obese bearded man held in local break-in
December 24, circa midnight

Pataskala, Ohio (AP) – Early in the morning of the 25th, authorities were notified about a disturbance caused by an angry obese bearded man wearing a funny hat and what appeared to be pointy boots.

Apparently it all started when he made an attempt to enter the home by way of chimney…

Only to greatly underestimate the stash of holiday cookies in his round tummy.

Get the full story here

Authorities confiscated a large bag of toys and charged the round old guy with possession of possibly stolen property.  Although he insisted it was all built in his magical shop at a place he referred to as the North Pole, google maps were not able to locate such a place.

In addition, most of the items were stamped Made in China.  

In his defense, the white-bearded stranger grumbled (rather unconvincingly) something about all the goods being “for “the children”.

He is additionally accused of keeping 12 un-licensed animals captive and tied together to a sleigh.  One of those animals was also cited for a bright light disturbance.

While authorities continue to investigate, here's something that is much more of a sure thing….

You can assure yourself a Merry Christmas and Happy 2021 on the mats by joining us here.

If you've already done so, pass the info along to a friend.

Randy

PS  Accordion to scientific studies, 90% of people don't realize I replaced the first word in this sentence with an instrument (lifted shamelessly from the internet)