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The Missing Burroughs channels his Chuck Norris (Part 3 of 3)

The Great Jordan Burroughs was found safe and sound, dragging the limp lifeless body of a nasty slimy arachnid behind him.

When questioned by a Wrestlers Corner reporter about how he escaped and defeated the beast, Burroughs breathlessly exalted,

“After I made it throw up, I had to go all Chuck Norris on that thing, using my patented double (he didn’t have much of a stance so I was able to forge a comeback), and throwing in a few roundhouse Norris kicks as well."

“What's the best part about being free from its grasps?  Asked the bravely intrepid yet slightly naive reporter.

“Best Part?  I looked up at the beautiful landscape and realized something magnanimous…."

“I was no longer in Washington, DC."

“Also that I ripped that Magicman shirt he was wearing to shreds during the fight."

Randy

PS:  If you missed the first two episodes, well – sorry for the spoiler.  You can view all three in my new Wrestlers Corner blog.

Burroughs resurfaces and then…

Following Monday’s shocking events, where the great Jordan Burroughs was swallowed whole by a large hairy, ugly, slime-covered arachnid monster wearing a “Magicman” shirt, the wrestling world has searched near and far for him, and his eater, to no avail….

Until NOW.

A shaken and thoroughly slimed Burroughs was spotted in Washington, DC.

When the (virtual) crowd spotted him, meyhem ensued.

Everyone was pointing and shouting and jumping up and down in excitement!” observed an observant observer who asked to not be identified by name due to his association with Wrestlers Corner, that Fake Wrestling News site.

Then, just as shockingly…

Burroughs saw 20,000 armed guards…

And leapt back into the arachnid’s mouth, which promptly scampered back into the woods that don’t exist around Washington.

Part 3 coming soon…

Jordan Burroughs swallowed whole by large arachnid monster

Jordan Burroughs swallowed whole by large arachnid monster

In sad wrestling news, the great Jordan Burroughs was swallowed whole by a large arachnid creature that can only be described as a Bigfoot-like monster-Spider.  Or monster-ant.

It was really hard to tell because witnesses, all visibly hung over, were overwhelmed by the incredible grotesqueness of the creature, thus weren’t able to give a clear description.

In addition, all pictures of the event came out blurry.

One witness, we’ll call him John because his name was Amy, said this:  

We were mat side at the Flo Wrestling event he was in.  Right after the match, Jordan, dejected, stumbled down the hallway.  Being the rapid fans that we are (heck, we broke into a closed event, what does that say about us?), we followed him.  

 

Right then, out from a side door pops this large grotesque spider – or ant, we weren’t sure – with about 18 eyeballs and fur and slime all over its body – and it picks up Jordan Burroughs, and tosses him kicking and screaming into its mouth.

It makes one big GULP, turns and runs away.

That’s when we noticed the back of its t-shirt,  which read “Magicman.”

The search is on for the arachnid, as well as a swallowed Jordan Burroughs.

We will update you on this channel as soon as more is known.

Ants launch wrestling program, prepare to take over the earth

With the world imploding, ants prepare to make their move.

Combined with their built-in resistance to Covid-19, ants of the world have united, and are preparing their takeover….by launching a wrestling program.

“Hear us out.  Wrestlers are the toughest, most prepared combat troops on earth.  Look – most of the humans’ Navy Seels are wrestlers.  We see a unique opportunity but we must be prepared.”

The ants plan on invading “as soon as the dust clears” and expect to quickly take over the earth.

Everything is going to change – most things for the better (if you’re an ant.)

  • Government will be less responsive (actually, will barely exist
  • Covid won’t be a factor (we’re immune – hooray!)
  • No more taxes!
  • No more wars (although we still have to contend with the Red ants – wow do they have an attitude.

On the downside….Junk mail is still expected to arrive regularly.