Jordan Burroughs swallowed whole by large arachnid monster
In sad wrestling news, the great Jordan Burroughs was swallowed whole by a large arachnid creature that can only be described as a Bigfoot-like monster-Spider. Or monster-ant.
It was really hard to tell because witnesses, all visibly hung over, were overwhelmed by the incredible grotesqueness of the creature, thus weren’t able to give a clear description.
In addition, all pictures of the event came out blurry.
One witness, we’ll call him John because his name was Amy, said this:
We were mat side at the Flo Wrestling event he was in. Right after the match, Jordan, dejected, stumbled down the hallway. Being the rapid fans that we are (heck, we broke into a closed event, what does that say about us?), we followed him.
Right then, out from a side door pops this large grotesque spider – or ant, we weren’t sure – with about 18 eyeballs and fur and slime all over its body – and it picks up Jordan Burroughs, and tosses him kicking and screaming into its mouth.
It makes one big GULP, turns and runs away.
That’s when we noticed the back of its t-shirt, which read “Magicman.”
The search is on for the arachnid, as well as a swallowed Jordan Burroughs.
We will update you on this channel as soon as more is known.